Thursday, June 4, 2015

Dealing with Depression and Anxiety as a Parent..

Lately I feel like the worst wife and mother in the world. I am moody, tired, and completely unmotivated. I cry randomly, snap at my husband and daughter, and I isolate myself. I feel lonely when I am not alone and I feel overwhelmed when I am around others. Then bring on the guilt party. This kind of circumstance does not occur frequently. This week I am grieving for my Mother. The anniversary of her death is on this coming Monday and even though I have tried to stay calm and in control...I am neither.

For most Moms, your children come first. You don't want to show them your weak side or cause them pain. Being in a position like I am feels miserable. It hurts my heart that my seven year old has to come over and comfort ME, the mom. I feel like a failure at times. All of these feeling start swirling together inside of me transforming into a tornado of fears, panic, and sadness. Eventually I burst and it all comes out.

I try to tell myself that this can be a good lesson for her. She can see that no one, not even mommy, is perfect. We all have emotions. We all make mistakes. We all cry. Its harder still to see her start to grieve with me. She'll see me cry and her empathy takes over and it breaks my heart even more.

Due to all this stress and emotion I retreat. I go "hermit". I tuck myself away in my home and I communicate less and less with friends and family. I try to push through it by sheer force of will until I can emerge again in control of myself. Its probably not the healthiest of methods, but its what I do. Everyone is different. I grieve and let myself feel everything and then I try to move on. For others this might be hard to do. Some might hold it all in. I can't do that. It would hurt too much.

So for the next few days and into next week I will be less active. Then I will come back ready to explore new things, analyze new feelings, and share more stories.

No comments:

Post a Comment